Ever had the flight from hell thanks to obnoxious seatmates? Let me introduce you to the newlyweds who turned my 14-hour journey into a nightmare. They treated the plane like their personal honeymoon suite, and when things got out of hand, I decided to deliver a lesson in airplane etiquette they’d never forget.
I’m Toby, 35 years old, and this story will make you rethink booking a long flight. Picture this: I’m on my way home after a long work trip, counting the minutes until I can hug my wife and kid. Everything was smooth—until they boarded.
I had treated myself to a premium economy seat for this 14-hour flight. Let’s be real, on a journey that long, every inch of extra space matters. As I settled in, feeling good about my decision, the guy next to me, Dave, introduced himself.
“Hey, I’m Dave. Listen, would you mind switching seats with my wife? We just got married, and, well, you know…”
I smiled politely. “Congrats! Where’s your wife sitting?”
Dave pointed to the back of the plane. “She’s in economy.”
Now, I get it—newlyweds want to sit together. But I had paid a good chunk of money for this seat, and I wasn’t about to give it up for free.
“Sorry, Dave,” I said. “I paid extra for this seat, so I’d only be willing to switch if you cover the difference—about a thousand Australian dollars.”
Dave’s face darkened. “A thousand bucks? You’ve got to be kidding.”
I shrugged, putting my earbuds in. “That’s the deal.”
As I settled back, I heard him mutter, “You’ll regret this.” And boy, was I about to.
First came the coughing—loud, chest-rattling hacks that made me wonder if I needed a hazmat suit. “You alright there, Dave?” I asked.
“Never better,” he said, coughing harder.
Then he pulled out his tablet and started blasting an action movie without headphones. The couple across the aisle gave him a look.
“Hey, buddy, mind turning that down?”
Dave grinned. “Forgot my headphones. Guess we’ll all have to enjoy it together.”
I gritted my teeth. “Dave, seriously, turn it down.”
“Oh, am I bothering you?” he said, sarcasm dripping from his words.
Then came the pretzels. Somehow, Dave managed to scatter crumbs everywhere—mostly on me. “Oops,” he said with a smirk. “Butterfingers.”
I was about to lose it when Dave’s wife, Lia, appeared in the aisle, giggling. Without warning, she plopped herself on his lap, and the two started acting like they were alone in their own private love bubble.
I tried to focus on my book, but the giggling, whispering, and… other noises made it impossible. After an hour, I had had enough.
“That’s it,” I muttered, flagging down a flight attendant. If Dave and Lia wanted to make this a nightmare flight, I was about to return the favor.
The stewardess approached, and Dave and Lia immediately dialed up their newlywed act, all smiles and sweetness.
“Is there a problem, sir?” the attendant asked.
“Problem? Oh, where do I start?” I said, loud enough for the surrounding passengers to hear. “These two have turned this flight into their personal honeymoon suite.”
The stewardess raised an eyebrow and looked at Lia perched on Dave’s lap. “It’s against airline policy for an adult to sit on another’s lap,” she said firmly. “Ma’am, you need to return to your seat.”
Lia batted her eyelashes. “But we’re newlyweds! It’s our special day!”
I couldn’t resist chiming in. “Yeah, it’s been their ‘special day’ for over an hour now.”
The stewardess straightened up. “Ma’am, please return to your seat. And sir, you didn’t pay for this upgraded seat. If you can’t follow the rules, I’ll have to ask both of you to move back to economy.”
Dave’s face went pale. “Both of us?”
“That’s right,” the stewardess said, unyielding. “You were upgraded as a courtesy, but you’ve abused it. Now, gather your things.”
As Dave and Lia packed up, I overheard them bickering in hushed tones. “This is your fault,” Lia hissed.
My fault? Dave grumbled back. “You’re the one who—”
“Enough,” the stewardess cut in. “Back to your seats, please.”
As they shuffled past me, red-faced, I couldn’t resist a parting shot. “Enjoy your honeymoon,” I said with a mock wave.
Dave’s glare could’ve melted steel, but I was too satisfied to care.
The flight attendant smiled at me as she passed by. “Anything else you need, sir?”
I grinned. “Just some peace and quiet—and maybe a drink?”
Not long after, she returned with a whiskey and cola, on the house. “Thanks for your patience,” she winked.
An older man across the aisle gave me a thumbs-up. “Well played, son,” he chuckled. “Reminds me of my first marriage. We were young and dumb too—but at least we knew how to behave in public.”
I laughed, finally able to relax.
As the plane descended toward our destination, the captain announced, “We’re approaching Los Angeles International Airport. Please fasten your seatbelts.”
I gathered my things, ready to be off the plane. As I passed by Dave and Lia in the back of the plane, I couldn’t resist one final comment. “Hope you two learned something. Enjoy the rest of your honeymoon.”
Dave turned beet red, but wisely kept quiet.
I walked off the plane feeling victorious. As I entered the terminal, I spotted my wife and kid waiting for me, their faces lighting up as I approached. All thoughts of Dave and Lia faded away. I was home, and that’s all that mattered.
